That Way Madness Lies – Reformy-to-English Dictionary, Volume Two

8 Jun

Accountability (noun): The act of holding children responsible for choosing to be born into the wrong families or in the wrong geographic locations. Alternately, the act of penalizing teachers who do not advise at-risk students to quit school quickly and avoid wasting everyone’s time and money.

Adequate Yearly Progress (AYP) (noun): A number pulled out of a hat by a politician or political appointee which schools must earn on standardized tests. Alternately, the number on a dartboard hit by a politician or political appointee which schools must earn on standardized tests.

Achievement Gap (noun): Synonym for wealth gap. Achievement correlates to poverty. SHHHH! Don’t say poverty!

High-Stakes Test (noun): An assessment in which the margin of error is often greater than the desired gains; nevertheless, such assessments have the power to close schools, fire teachers, cause children to repeat a grade, defund districts or schools, cause states and municipalities to lose funding, fire administrators, shame communities, stifle economic growth, increase dropout rates, disenfranchise parents and children, increase race-based segregation, increase crime rates, raise taxes, burden local governments, increase poverty, pit neighbors against each other, determine which students can attend well-funded schools or institutes of higher learning…[Editor’s note: Actually, this term is pretty much right-on. -K.F.]

Incentive (noun): A bribe which is usually shortsighted and results in significant negative consequences that overshadow any gains; this does not matter, however, since those responsible will already have left town.

Incentivize (verb): To make people offers they literally can’t refuse.

Longer School Day (noun): (Synonyms include Full School Day, Expanded Learning Time, Extended Day.) An arbitrarily chosen length of time that adults with no knowledge of child development think that children need to spend in school in order to prepare them to accept the drudgery of eight-plus hour shifts in cubicles or at fast food cash registers. The length is the important part of the phrase; any number of programs or activities can fill the time. Examples include pretending apps are educational, watching movies if no safe playground exists and Extra Happy Test Prep Fun Time. No additional funding is required for a Longer School Day; kids are marvelous creatures who will entertain themselves if you put enough of them in a room for infinite amounts of time. If you can provide typewriters, maybe one of them will eventually recreate the works of Shakespeare! Whatever you do, do NOT pay a teacher to show them the actual works of Shakespeare, tempting as it may be. Children need rigor, and will never have the chance to accidentally recreate literature if we allow them to read it in school. More…

via That Way Madness Lies – Reformy-to-English Dictionary, Volume Two.


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